


Tōitsu

by 1000trillionpercent (orphan_account)



Category: Youtubers
Genre: Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-10-22 03:32:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10688898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/1000trillionpercent
Summary: “You know I’m always happy to help you.” His tone, followed by the hand on Ethan’s shoulder, makes Ethan go tense.





	Tōitsu

“Thank you,” Ethan said with a laugh, hint of exhaustion in his tone. Having spent hours packing and hoisting boxes and furniture was a very strong reminder that he’s not as much in shape as he was in his early teens. Perhaps the newly acquired free time without the distraction of other could be spent trying to make up for that. “Now only if I could take you with too to unpack everything as well” He watches Tyler jump down from the back of the truck onto the pavement and dust his hands off on his pants.

 

Tyler lets out a puff of laughter as a hand rakes idly through his sweat-dampened hair. “You know I’m always happy to help you.” His tone, followed by the hand on Ethan’s shoulder, makes Ethan go tense. It's likely not noticeable, but anxiety is slowly seizing its way up his spine. He regrets the statement, another thing Tyler tries his best to grip onto, dig his nails in, try to ground every ‘hidden meaning’ in simple interaction. He’s grown almost insufferable with it. Ethan knows if from a place of sadness, tries not to blame Tyler for his desperation and heartbreak.

 

Tries not to blame _himself_ for all the times he's seen Tyler with tears forming in the corners of his eyes, threatening to spill over. Tries not to blame himself for hearing the lock click to their once-shared room each night after Tyler attempts, and fails, to be intimate and attempt to revive something long gone.

 

It’s for the better, he reminds himself, easier if it ends off now while there’s a chance for there to still be a redeemable friendship than to deal with the issue of going public and picking up the fractured pieces of a breakup afterward.

 

Ethan shrugs the hand off his shoulder and pulls his best polite smile. “I’ll keep that in mind.” His tone is soft but still holds an edge that he can tell Tyler notices. Ethan pulls the door to the truck down without a word, and he can distinctly hear Tyler clear his throat as he looks for a way to clear the tension.

 

The back and forth since Ethan broke things off is the most exhausting. It’s very, very clear that Tyler still thinks there's some way to reverse Ethan’s decisions. He can still hear Tyler’s promises of secrecy, the feeling of Tyler’s hands gripping his as the taller male repeats over and over _nobody will know_.

 

That went out the door when Tyler decided to make his jealousy so apparent it was almost tangible. Fuck, Mark couldn't even touch Ethan without Tyler glaring daggers _and they are friends_. It was picked up on within minutes, it rose questions, it brewed suspicion.

 

Having his notifications flooded with questions and theories of his identity, of his private life, it was more than stressful. And it ate at him, to the point he snapped over one of the allegations mid-live stream.

 

It grew to all be too much.

 

So, he did the only thing he thought logical, which was cut everything off and recede into his comfortable silence. And that’s difficult while still living around his ex-love. So he rushed the moving process as quickly as possible, settled for the first one bedroom he found and aimed to move in before he even got internet at the place.

 

How was this breakup and move affecting his own emotions? He’s not sure. Maybe he’s just as torn up as Tyler, just dealing with a mind that’s forcing him to repress everything. He’s not entirely sure, and it’s a thought he doesn’t really want to dwell on. Some memories aren’t really… worth keeping, not given the circumstances.

 

Ethan is pulled from his thoughts by Tyler’s voice, and he looks up to see Tyler rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, other hand shoved into the front pocket of his tan cargo pants. Ethan makes a noise of confusion and Tyler looks slightly more uncomfortable as he repeats the question.

 

“Is… Is that my shirt?”

 

Fuck. Ethan looks down at his chest, suddenly aware of the dull red Deadpool shirt he’s sporting. Yeah, that’s… grown to be a bit of a second nature to Ethan over the years. He lets out a nervous laugh, but his calm is quickly slipping as he sees the emotion hidden in Tyler’s eyes. He’s ecstatic. He thinks this means something.

 

Ethan doesn’t want to say what he knows will tear Tyler down. It’s awful, painful to hurt Tyler, to chip away at the fragile side of him so few people have ever gotten to see. That level of intimacy is special, rare, he’s so lucky to have ever gotten it. He hates the idea of injuring the trust he’s built in order to see Tyler so open and unflinching. But, he knows he has to. Even if his reasonings are selfish or centered in his own insecurity. He’s weighted down in his own guilt and fear that he’s a disappointment to those he loves that… he’s hurting someone who so unbiasedly accepted every aspect of himself.

 

But the ends justify the means, he supposes.

 

He feigns a surprised laugh and dusts off his chest, looking down from his shirt to up at Tyler.

 

“I didn’t even realize, I just grabbed a random shirt from my bag.” Tyler’s heartbreak is almost audible. “I’ll wash it and get it back to you, don’t worry.”

 

Tyler nods, though he’s avoiding eye contact now. Something stings in the center of Ethan’s chest but he keeps himself in check, doesn’t allow himself to mentally acknowledge the pain or think about it.

 

Ethan pads up to the front of the truck and pulls the door open before throwing a glance behind his shoulder and giving his best attempt to a calm and friendly tone, “I’ll text you after I get everything moved.”

 

“Alright”

 

Andrew isn’t surprised and doesn’t ask questions when he sees Ethan pull up to the complex with tear-stained cheeks and puffy eyes. Ethan’s almost grateful for his friend’s silence.

 

He spends the night hovering over the ‘Delete’ button for Tyler’s number in his contacts.

 

It’s hard to tell himself that this is the best scenario when everything within him hurts.

**Author's Note:**

> One of those ask meme things I got on [tumblr](http://crankyplier.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Based around Ethan moving house


End file.
